ê.essensuality.of.desire

moved…

Liyana Kamsani — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 16:08:48 +0000

I’m bored of this place…..

Can I move???

Hehehe….

I’ve moved here…..so re-link or re-bookmark!!!

Conscious

Liyana Kamsani — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 15:24:19 +0000

So, as per usual, the quiz suck. Nothing more to comment on but well, I’ll try my very very best for the exams.

I’ve been on a strict non-carb diet for 4 days now. I only take carbs like only 2 pieces of bread a day or a packet of noodles a day or 2 piece of pancakes for a day, and have lived without rice for 4 whole days now. Perhaps that explain my frequent headaches now because the brain is working without any energy. All thanks to him. He said that I’m fat and I have to lose the kilos by the time he gets back. What’s more…I’ve been climbing up and down the stairs everyday and doing sit-ups plus crutches.

Not easy arh….7 months of bingeing and a relaxed life in CPG…really made me lose my touch. I was below 60kg before I entered CPG and gained quite a bit when I walked out of there. I’ve become less conscious of how much weight I’ve gained because I’ve become very comfortable in my relationship. At most, I’m still maintaining the good condition of my skin and I’ve recently dived into the fashion world.

It’s been so nice that he’s been calling me daily. He’ll be “double-gone” from me till Sunday which means that not only he’s physically away from me, but I won’t be hearing from him also. Well, it’s been almost 2 weeks, I’ve gotten used to his absence and I’ve engulfed all the loneliness inside me already. I’m reserving all the fun and energy inside me until he comes back and then, we are back to our honeymoon-ing!!

Tomorrow will be another long day for me in the laboratory. Very draggy arh….I want the weekends to come!!!

Your Guardian Angel – The Red Jump Apparatus

Busieee

Liyana Kamsani — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 11:24:26 +0000

I’m back to my normal self again…hehe

Been rather busy with schoolwork. Surface water quality quiz is up next. One & a half pathetic more days to prepare for the quiz…

I cannot wait for Saturday for my next driving lesson again!!

when you’re gone…

Liyana Kamsani — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 10:26:22 +0000

It’s been a week. I miss him like…a lot… An achievement is that I actually survived without him for a whole week and I’m left with another 2 weeks. Now, I already feel very empty. When the heart’s empty, and nobody’s there to fill in any love, I start to miss him. And when I start to miss him, I start to think of all the good times that we have. Then I start to miss him very much. And then, my heart starts yearning, over and over and over again.

Pity me. I’ve waited so long and I’ve to wait again. When the heart starts yearning, it’s always for the same person. Who can I rely on for love except from him, right? I have nothing to say. I don’t know how to describe the feeling. The fact that I have to admit, I’m dependent on him emotionally. I yearn for the words I need to hear to always get me through the day. I want him to come back soon as I’ve never felt this lonely before….

Now this song really applies….

I always needed time on my own. I never thought I’d need you there when I cry. And the days feel like years when I’m alone. And the bed where you lie is made up on your side. When you walk away I count the steps that you take. Do you see how much I need you right now. [Chorus] When you’re gone. The pieces of my heart are missing you. When you’re gone. The face I came to know is missing too. When you’re gone. The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok. I miss you. I’ve never felt this way before. Everything that I do reminds me of you. And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor. And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do. When you walk away I count the steps that you take. Do you see how much I need you right now. [Chorus]. We were made for each other. Out here forever. I know we were, yeah. All I ever wanted was for you to know. Everything I’d do, I’d give my heart and soul. I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah. [Chorus].

URH…

Liyana Kamsani — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 16:55:17 +0000

I’M THREE MONTHS PREGNANT…..

BECAUSE OF THIS

HEAVYWEIGHT EATING = 20 DISHES

WHO IS SMART ENOUGH TO GUESS WHERE THIS IS?

Hari Raya 2007 photos

Liyana Kamsani — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 16:51:24 +0000

Finally…there’s time to upload some photos….so here they are:

Hari Raya this year, the whole family go green!

(Left): My Siblings, Yas, Nasir and Me (sitting)
(Right): The men of the family, Yas, Nasir & Dad (sitting)

Who would have thought that my little fat boy wants to be a part of it too…

Paternal siblings
Left: Juni, Me and Lina
Right: Ilyas, Hussin & Nasir

Dad and his siblings
From left: Wak Mat, Dad, Cik Usop and Cik Man

The group photo for the day
(Pretty good for an amateur…hehe…no names mentioned)

Second group photo @ Nenek Limah’s House
The family with Cik Samad, Nenek Limah and Cik Oon’s family.

So enjoy!! Hari Raya spirit is still burning in the air!!

a breather

Liyana Kamsani — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 16:36:31 +0000

Finally, I get a breather. I got a couple of things done today. ID poster and FYP progress report. It’s such a relief. Tomorrow night I’ll be concentrating on my Business Finance presentation and ID presentation. Phew…time management is very important. Oh yah….girls….if you are reading this…please be reminded to email me your updated ID parts by Sunday, latest midnight. No more dragging of time cause I have to compile everything and send it for second editing. Deadline for poster is next Tuesday and the final report is next Friday.

Finally, I get to hear his beautiful voice today.In Malay, “Tunggu punya tunggu, bulan tak timbul-timbul…”. Although he has to pay quite a bit of money…but do I care?? Hehehe…kiddinglah… Somehow today, I started to miss him. Don’t know why, but it’s pretty natural for lovers to actually miss each other especially when we spent so much time together for the past few weeks. The next 3 days, he’ll be outfield, so I guess I’ll have to live without his beautiful voice for 3 days. NS is not only a chore for him…but it is for me too….

Been doing a lot of shopping lately. Don’t know why but maybe I’m too stressed up. Driving will commence this Saturday for me again. I miss driving and all the Vrrrrooommmm….. Yah, I’m just looking forward to my 23rd birthday present in 4 months time. =)

I’m off to bed now…time to catch up on my beauty sleep…..

solemn?

Liyana Kamsani — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 16:53:33 +0000

I thought I will be in a solemn mood without him around but because of his reminder to stay strong, I really did. I cried helplessly in his arms that night. I just do not want him to go. I’m going through the worst things now, and I don’t have him by my side. Honestly, I never let anyone see me cry, except my parents of course. The tears just couldn’t stop flowing. But in the end, I had to let him go.

For the past two days, my days seemed to be empty. Nobody to disturb, nobody to hang on the phone with, nobody to laugh with, nobody to argue with, nobody to cuddle with, nobody to go home with and the heart seems to be pretty lonely. But I drowned myself totally in schoolwork. I try to keep myself very occupied and busy so that my thoughts weren’t be filled with him. I got quite a number of things done because of that. Well, I did get to hear his voice for the past 2 days. He managed to fill this empty heart with some joy by making long-distance calls to me. Hehehe….at least it kept me going for the whole day.

The fact that he still do light up my day still applies after 3 years. Many-many things have changed and I’m looking forward to our HOT date when he comes back…Hehehehe….

Anyway, Hari Raya this year was ok. I managed to celebrate only for 1.5 days. The first day was filled up with visiting of the relatives on the paternal side as well as meeting my paternal cousins and all that. It was a whole lot of fun and it’s been a long time ever since I’ve felt the joy of gathering with family members. The other half day was filling with visiting of the relatives on the maternal side and after that, I parted from my family to be with the one I love, at night.

This year, I don’t think there will be any celebration with my friends because we are pretty much busy and drowned by schoolwork. Life now isn’t like life in secondary or primary school. I will only get to celebrate Hari Raya with him when he gets back from Taiwan, making it the “closing ceremony” of Hari Raya. I must meet his parents at least once a year. My family, we don’t intend to do any visiting for this year because it’s just a waste of time and we have better things to do.

I don’t really have time to upload any photos here for tonight because I’m supposed to be sleeping now as I have a morning class later. Perhaps another day or some other time.

P.S. People say I look the youngest in the family now. Hehehe…happy seh. Perhaps my L’Oreal Revitalift is doing wonders after almost a year of using it. And yah, stop asking me when or whether I’m getting married anytime soon. I got no $$$$.

Kekasihku

Liyana Kamsani — Sun, 14 Oct 2007 15:26:15 +0000

Dalam bulan yang penuh dengan kebahagiaan ini,
Aku teringat kepada si Dia.
Dia telah jauh memergi,
Tinggalkan aku bersendirian di sini.
Dalam dakapannya, berlinangan air mata ku,
Kesedihan tidak dapat ku harungi.
Hatiku menyanjunginya,
Hatiku akan merinduinya.
Hatiku menyayanginya,
Hatiku tidak dapat menahan segala kesedihan yang terperit di dalamnya.
Aku tahu,
Walaupun jauh di mata,
Beliau akan tetap dekat dihatiku.
Kekasihku telah pergi,
Meninggalkan diriku seorang diri.
Engkau tetap akan ku cintai & dirindui,
Kekasihku, cepatlah kembali……

Sebuah “whatever it’s called” khas buat si Dia….ehem…I wrote it myself….

SELAMAT HARI RAYA KEPADA SEMUA MUSLIMIN DAN MUSLIMAT DI SELURUH DUNIA. MOHON MAAF ZAHIR DAH BATIN….

my life

Liyana Kamsani — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 12:29:38 +0000

Quizzes are finally over!!! Steph said that CE Management quiz was lousy. I was happy that it’s lousy because I didn’t really study for it. The thing is that the paper was super easy…which is very dangerous cause I will have to expect a tough paper for the exams. Standard University Exam Procedure -> No paper is that easy. They do not test about what you know or study from the notes or tutorials but it’s more on the understanding and concept.

I don’t take my exams for granted like how I did for my quizzes. I still can fool around and all that. People don’t know that I still can play-play and pull through the semester. Perhaps Allah has always been by my side guiding me throughout life’s obstacles. Now, it’s time to do reports!!! Thank God the due date for FYP progress report is next Friday and I still have to compile the ID report. The ID poster is due in 2 weeks. Yup…the semester is ending soon. Exams are in 5 weeks time.

Anyway, nowadays I feel like I’m too broke to go shopping. Many of my toiletries and daily essentials are running out. Instead of my buying the things that I need, I buy things that I don’t need. Last week, I bought a new heels from Charles & Keith specially for Hari Raya. I pretty much love it because it’s gold-ish and silver-ish in color, like the ones Malay brides wear during their wedding day. It totally matches my ehem expensive baju kebaya songket for Hari Raya. Too bad I’m not wearing that outfit when I berHari Raya with him this year. And yesterday, I bought a new bag, yet again. Twice this month already. I bought a Monogram Bucket Tote from Cassis Room online. Something different at a very affordable price!!! Hehehe…

Well, I know I like to talk about my love-life here. Want to know why? At this age….many things change. Friends, yes they are around, but at this age, my friends have their own relationships or even getting married. I don’t hang out with them that much because we pretty much lead our own lives now. Talk about school…it’s boring…life in NTU is a chore. There are many challenges to face in there…and I’m tired of thinking about it. Talk about family…not so good…unless you want to know that my family earns 10s and thousands of dollars within these 2 months. The only thing left is my love-life. Sure, there are private & sensitve stuffs which I NEVER mentioned here or maybe the entrys’ are password protected so that only HE can read it. But that’s the only thing I can talk about, most of the time, very indirect & incomplete stories. Haha…

I know it’s very perfect…because it is cause it’s a developed and mature relationship. Soon, we’ll be getting married. Now I know who is jealous of who. Like mother like daughter eh….